Like what friends said , i have to put aside all those things that made me cried and yeah i have to focus on my exams .
And yeah REVISION TIME !
chios.
27 April 2008
26 April 2008
I can't sleep and it's now 2.22am in the morning . because of just now conversation , i cried and i kept thinking about it again and again . i really caused problems to people don't i ? well if i asked this question to my friends they would definitely disagree . but on the other hand my own beloved ones would think so don't they ? arghhhhhh i just feel bad for myself . she words makes me that my mouth is like a bitch . yeahhhhh , i think its true . stop talking about this pleaseeeee :/ . im sicked of it .
Actually im getting and feeling way better in sch for the last fews days including today because friends are there to cheered me up . thanksssssss a zillion times to you guys . but then today i cried again . this feeling is so suckish . i hate it so much . nvm let's start off with today . upper sec had their first exam today whie the sec 1 and 2 just had our mock test for english and malay . nothing much to elaborate i think i did moderately . recess was so crowded . so end of school aishah and liu ying accompany me to the library to do the poly course thingy . then syazwan came in and started to apologise about that particular thing happened . he was such an irritating guy and i just nodded . whatever . then we went to mac for our lunch treated by wan . thanks yaw . then wan went to his way while me and my girls headed to the library to study . after some studying i went to find some books to read and i found three great books :) . so at about 4pm we all set off home .
For two days straight my boys weren't with us to stay back . it's okay aman and alex , i understand :) . so left my girls who have the listening ears for me . i didn't tell them the full story but then they always realised that i'll cry without even saying a word . i just don't know why i cried . so they always hugged me and told me to put a side all those problems and concentrate on the exams . it's hard for me you know but then i will try my best . i don't think i will pass my exams . whenever i said this sentence my girls will start shouting and they will be mad . they always tell me that i don't have self-confindence and that's very true of me you know . im very , very weak . so enough is enough .
I don't want to express my feelings any further because people will start saying that im emo or just want to get some attention from everyone . sorry for the emo posts i made . i just couldn't face it no more . sometimes i wish i better don't exist in this world because i just make another person life a problematic one .
Actually im getting and feeling way better in sch for the last fews days including today because friends are there to cheered me up . thanksssssss a zillion times to you guys . but then today i cried again . this feeling is so suckish . i hate it so much . nvm let's start off with today . upper sec had their first exam today whie the sec 1 and 2 just had our mock test for english and malay . nothing much to elaborate i think i did moderately . recess was so crowded . so end of school aishah and liu ying accompany me to the library to do the poly course thingy . then syazwan came in and started to apologise about that particular thing happened . he was such an irritating guy and i just nodded . whatever . then we went to mac for our lunch treated by wan . thanks yaw . then wan went to his way while me and my girls headed to the library to study . after some studying i went to find some books to read and i found three great books :) . so at about 4pm we all set off home .
For two days straight my boys weren't with us to stay back . it's okay aman and alex , i understand :) . so left my girls who have the listening ears for me . i didn't tell them the full story but then they always realised that i'll cry without even saying a word . i just don't know why i cried . so they always hugged me and told me to put a side all those problems and concentrate on the exams . it's hard for me you know but then i will try my best . i don't think i will pass my exams . whenever i said this sentence my girls will start shouting and they will be mad . they always tell me that i don't have self-confindence and that's very true of me you know . im very , very weak . so enough is enough .
I don't want to express my feelings any further because people will start saying that im emo or just want to get some attention from everyone . sorry for the emo posts i made . i just couldn't face it no more . sometimes i wish i better don't exist in this world because i just make another person life a problematic one .
I had fever , flu and cough since this thing happened . till now im sicked eventhough i took medicine everyday . just cut it out ain .
20 April 2008
I didn't blog for ages . sometimes i think i should closed down this blog . i don't feel like pouring all my feeling here but .... . i really don't know . recently many problems occurred and i always cried . it's all started that day when dad called me up . i was in school that time after i had my swimming and group study with bestfriends . it really makes me hurt hearing those words spilled out by dad . i don't blame you sis for saying my name to her but i just don't understand why you need to do that . afterall , its my fault and those words were actually came out from my mouth . dad was right . i shouldn't spilled those words out . because of those words it travels to another person and that person feels hurt . im sorry stepmum for those words thrown out to you . yeah its my fault . sometimes i think im always the one who caused problems to others . it happened once and yeah i repeat the same mistakes again . i didn't tell this thing to mum and brothers and hopefully dad won't tell it to them . im the one who caused it and i don't want them to know . its like the incident happened last year , where im the one who caused the problems and everybody got into it including mum . and yeah mum got stressed up and she got sicked for a fews days and nearly a few weeks . i don't want everyone to fight all because of me , because of my mouth . nvm if im the only one who know this and go through this all by myself .
I went to school on friday with those shits expression on my face . everyone realised it even my very own form teacher . i don't want everyone to know but i just couldn't hold it on to myslef . everyone in the house don't know what happened to me recently and yeah i act like nothing happened . but when im in school im not the ain which everyone knows . i acted differently , i speak differently . people think that im moody or being emo but actually i really feel bad and im totally down . it's cca day and we went for our 3km run outside school . i was being quiet for the day . as usual i came in last for the run . i don't care actually because its not a suprised if im the last one to come in . and yeah people will say dont try to get attention but seriously i was down . what do you expect? so after the run i drinked , rest and sat at one corner like a statue . ms tan realised and she went to asked me what happened and such . i told her im ok but i just don't know why suddenly the tears came out from my eyes . so then she told me she will see me after the training . so continued with ball handling , some matches and recess . i went to see ms tan and thats when i cried again but still i refused to tell her what had happened . i didn't eat and went to vina cousin to talked to her . and yeah i express every single thing to her . i cried like a mad girl while proceeding to class and everybody asked what had happened to me . she gave me a huge hug and asked me to stay strong . then cme lesson my eyes were a bit sore . ms chandran asked me to see her after school but i didn't . i try me best not to tell her . nvm let only my close friends know . aishah , alex , aman and vina knows . whenever i go to school i don't feel like talking anymore .
People think im strong but actually im not . im weak very very weak . ain always create problems to people . morever her beloveds ones . i hate this feeling ....
08 April 2008
Today was tired indeed . let's starts off with school . i had a new hairstyle and people kept commented it and they kept on saying its cute . ohhhh come on lahhh seyy . haha . but thanks anyway . first up was geography . was rather tough but i tried my best to understand but still i don't get it . ugrhhhhh need to buck up more . next was english . nothing much elaborate . i hate english for no reason . the teacher is like [insertyrwordhere] . recess was funny yaw . we didn't head to the canteen instead aman,alex,aishah, weixin and i sat at the bench there next to our class . as mum brought me a packet of nasi lemak to school whcih she cooks her ownself , i shared with friends :] . they kept on praising my mother's nasi lemak especially weixin :):) . haha . alex joke , " you eat ain's mother nasi lemak till you forgets everything even your name ." haha . i was laughing all the way because it's true you knw . next was malay , we had fun laughing :) . today's malay class wsn't a bore because cikgu kept making jokes . haha . by then it was history . F*ckkkkkkkkkkkkkk , i tell you . there's a test which i prolly don't even knw . the test is only half an hour but the questions were extrmely tough ! i only managed to answer half of the question and it's ca2 mark sia . arghhhhhhh . again next was english , i had no comment . it is such a boring thing to do . and the teacher [insertyourwordhere] . haiyo . last period was form teacher's period . jyeah ms chandran rocks . after school had to stayed back for e-music class . boring siul . Im supposed to go for bball training after that but due to what my english teacher said the project had to be done by tomorrow and it's 30 or 40% for our ca2 marks . group members most probably leave all the work for me to do . i can say nothing . nvm , i give in and do for them because i care for my ca2 marks . they gave me so much reasons which make my eardrum spoilt . so then went back to clementi with weixin to take the cd which inside contains the pictures needed to print . after that went back to tiong and wait for aishah and the three of us went to weixin house at bukit ho . by then we reached weixin house at 6pm . and yada2 weixin computer works so slow . wait for 15 minutes for it to start . then went comes to printing the pictures , it took one picture to print took 5 mins . and i have to print about 7-10 pictures . wait againnn . haiyo . so aishah father got angry and asked her to go back as it's already 6.45pm . so weixin sister send her to bus stop . while waiting for the pictures to be print , weixin and i shared the computer to chatchat at msn . but weixin chat so much . haha . and yeah i finally gets to open my msn as i didn't open it for ages . after the printing is done , i have to do the write up and again the computer works so slow . i was irritated , still . weixin mother kept asking me to eat dinner with them but i insisted . haha . and her mum and dad talks to me in malay as they're malaysian . haha . wexin kept bugging me to tell her what her parents asked me but i just smile :):):) . so then i left her house at 8.20pm . She sent me to tiong and i took mrt to clementi . reached home at 9.20 plus pm . bro bush was already home . haha . i was f*cking tired and he called me many times but i didn't picked up as i was always late to picked it up . by the time i called him back , it says the line is busy . alamakkkkk . had my dinner and showered . i don't bother to do my homework as i'll be doing it at 3.30 in the morning . so long readers . im tired , like really tired . my legs are cramps so is my stomach . i think im having my period soon . arghhhhh . penat lah siul .takecare loves :)
06 April 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME , HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME .HAPPY BIRTHDAY , HAPPY BIRTHDAY . HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME :D::D:D:D:D:D !
So jyeah i turned thirdteen today :]. woke up , i checked my phone and suprisingly i received quite alot of birthday msges from friends and family ! friendster too yaw , many send me birthday comment . thank you , thank you , thank you very very much :) . as for today i stayed at home with family because yesterday they celebrated my birthday at aunty house . so they bought for me a chocolate cake ! yummyyyyyy ! . i also received $$$$$$ from aunty's :] .and yesterday also i met up with mr bestfriend azmi ! but then we didn't talked much as he was like f-tired as he had his soccer training on friday . that's okayyy dude :D . and here are the pictures for yesterday's celebration . i really had fun *big smile on my face* .
SIBLINGS LOVE :]
FAMILY LOVE :]
COUSINS :]I got to go as i havent finished up my thousands of homeworks . so takecare people :) .
04 April 2008
CCA day was quite tiring but fun lahh okeyy ! the seniors are so friendly . hahs . running , dribbling , lay-ups . nothing much to elaborate actually as it's the same old kind of thing we're doing . hahas . recess was rather mood swing for me as i was all alone . aishah was with the st john's group as they celebrate for something . as i was walking back to class , i saw alex bestie was at the foyer kena detention . he got into a fight with this boy during their boys brigade practise .so we walked back to class and have life skills :] . ohhhh hw much i love life skills lesson as ms chandran will tell us stories and teaching point and at the same time we laugh , laugh and laugh . come on , i can't describe the feeling hw much i love my classmates , 1E4 ! ms chandran did really forgive a person easily because she said if our parents can forgive and forget our mistakes easily why can't her right ? that's a point . i'll try my best to study hard and make you feel that i really appreciate you :] . so jia you 1E4-ians ! 12pm went to hall about the lunch time presentation thingy . boring uh sial :/ .
I stayed back for the sports for all thingy . did have mood swing all the way . f*ckkkk siul . today as if i was all alone . that's okeyy friends , i understand . so ary went to have his soccer match . sec 1 NCC vs ST JOHN = st john 3 , ncc 1 . alex was there watching . saw aman , he told me he was hot , perspiring . i told you aman is like a girl . haha . joking nia . went to the library just to have the cooling air-con . haha . we sat down with this 1E3 girl which i tend to forgets her name . haha . and yada2 i laugh all the way with aman stupid pathetic jokes and the librarian gave us two signals too keep quiet . haha . then aman and i went to canteen because he kept complaining that he was hungry . see i told ya he's somehow act like a girl . haha . then hang around for a while with alex watched the match between sec 3 st jon and ncc . then i went off with aman and bai lun to the bus stop . before that i shouted to this malay guy which is from st john , a goalkeeper to jia you . haha . so i dragged aman to sit with me at the bus stop to wait for ibu . hahs . ibu came and off take bus to redhill mrt . inside the bus bai lun kept smiling for no reason . siow . haha . then off we went to bukit gombak .
After everything has done , went back home with ibu . ibu and i kept laughing because we usually will laugh if we had a mother-daughter conversation . i just can't find the reason why . haha . anyway just now azmi msged me to meet up as we had not been seeing each other for ages . anyway he remembered my birthday and maybe we're going to celebrate , i don't know because he go to go home early as he got something on later . so not that sure . but after that family and i will be heading to aunty house at cck . i kept telling ibu and brothers that my birthday is coming in two days alot of times and yeah they were irritated by that . haha . ibu told me maybe we're going to town to watch movie or something on sunday . YEAH ! but then i have to finished up all my homework given -.- . so let's coundown , 2 days to my birthday lahh oii :D:D
p.s:thanks to people who had wished me earlier . you all rocks :)
I stayed back for the sports for all thingy . did have mood swing all the way . f*ckkkk siul . today as if i was all alone . that's okeyy friends , i understand . so ary went to have his soccer match . sec 1 NCC vs ST JOHN = st john 3 , ncc 1 . alex was there watching . saw aman , he told me he was hot , perspiring . i told you aman is like a girl . haha . joking nia . went to the library just to have the cooling air-con . haha . we sat down with this 1E3 girl which i tend to forgets her name . haha . and yada2 i laugh all the way with aman stupid pathetic jokes and the librarian gave us two signals too keep quiet . haha . then aman and i went to canteen because he kept complaining that he was hungry . see i told ya he's somehow act like a girl . haha . then hang around for a while with alex watched the match between sec 3 st jon and ncc . then i went off with aman and bai lun to the bus stop . before that i shouted to this malay guy which is from st john , a goalkeeper to jia you . haha . so i dragged aman to sit with me at the bus stop to wait for ibu . hahs . ibu came and off take bus to redhill mrt . inside the bus bai lun kept smiling for no reason . siow . haha . then off we went to bukit gombak .
After everything has done , went back home with ibu . ibu and i kept laughing because we usually will laugh if we had a mother-daughter conversation . i just can't find the reason why . haha . anyway just now azmi msged me to meet up as we had not been seeing each other for ages . anyway he remembered my birthday and maybe we're going to celebrate , i don't know because he go to go home early as he got something on later . so not that sure . but after that family and i will be heading to aunty house at cck . i kept telling ibu and brothers that my birthday is coming in two days alot of times and yeah they were irritated by that . haha . ibu told me maybe we're going to town to watch movie or something on sunday . YEAH ! but then i have to finished up all my homework given -.- . so let's coundown , 2 days to my birthday lahh oii :D:D
p.s:thanks to people who had wished me earlier . you all rocks :)
02 April 2008
Seriously today is the worst , bad day in 2008 . hw suckish can it be . f*ckkkkkk . well i reached school as early as 6.20am just to hand aishah her science notebook cause i mistook it .
Frst period was math . yarh da2 i understand hw to do those question as dear aishah sat with me for that period only :/ . then it was english . that is went the bad thing happened . fine it's my fault for not doing science homework yesterday but i didn't copy , seriously . at first mdm choo wasn't there and my group sucks alot . you knw what ? i did the taking of pictures at clementi on my own , print the my pictures until the ink went out also on my own and i did the research for my write up on my own . so teacher gave out the sheet to paste all the pictures and write up . we done all those pasting and decorating . i did most of them , like duh . then nothing more to paste because almost all my team members didn't do the write up and what do you expect me to do cher ? better than doing nonsense things i did my school work which is science . teacher confiscated both my book and aishah's . i tried my best to explained to her but she ignored . by then all those negative thoughts appeared on my mind . i knw i will got into deep shit and aishah too . and then i cried all of a sudden . i also don't knw why i cried . she don't knw hw much effort i put in to do the bloody project which i spent my whole weekend taking pictures and printing it . and yada2 i kept quiet for the whole english period . recess ate nothing coz went to the library to do the write up for those fellows in my group . i still kept quiet didn't talked a single word . next up was math .
Half an hour period of math and science period came . i wasn't scared of what i've done but i was scared because ms chandran will misunderstood me as copying aishah work and never will trust me again . that's why . and yeah my thoughts were right . she first hint something about us to the class . end of period ms chandran came up to me and said ,"you know what you have done wrong . you will failed and failed science if you kept copying others . and a true friend won't let you copy instead she wants you to fall and let you be a failure . i want you to apologize to mdm choo ." those words makes me real hurt . i cried again . she misunderstood so does the others . what's worst was she hint aishah as not a true friend because she let me copy . come on lahhhh ! i swear to god , i didn't copy . i was doing my work on my own and i check mine's with aishah's . so i walked to malay class , crying . some 1N1 basketballers saw me cried and asked why especially eric . he went to shout my name like so many time but i didn't looked back . i rubbed away all those tears and went into the class . i think everyone know im crying even cikgu norita . she usually will asked me questions about the lesson but not today . i didn't even looked up at her because my eyes were a bit sore . then english again , kept quiet all the way . i was so pissed off with my group that i didn't say a single word . school ends and mdm choo released us late .
i didn't have the time to have my lunch because cybercrush starts at 2pm sharp . went half to cybercrush another half to chinese class . nothing much to elaborate and yeah i came smilling back because friends cheer me up but still im thinking about just now incident . after school stayed back with aishah to study together . after she had taught me and i had done some of the homework , we went home at 5.30pm sharp . both aishah and i are making a new schedule for both of us . every wednesday and thursday we're going to study together for two hours . we must proved to the teachers that we can do it . especially me who they taught im a lazy pig , copy people's work , never put in effort in doing homework and all the other negative comments . especially science . i failed science for ca1 . im going to proved you ms chandran that im not what you think i am . im way different . i also want to proved to you that i listen attentively in class . i need a new schedule for my own . fine if today i got accused by people for doing bad things which i seriously didn't do . teacher i will prove to you that i can do it . don't just accused me by just looking at my act but don't knw hw i struggle , hw i put my best effort in it . i want to changed for sure . ain want to be mummy's and daddy's good girl :] .
Frst period was math . yarh da2 i understand hw to do those question as dear aishah sat with me for that period only :/ . then it was english . that is went the bad thing happened . fine it's my fault for not doing science homework yesterday but i didn't copy , seriously . at first mdm choo wasn't there and my group sucks alot . you knw what ? i did the taking of pictures at clementi on my own , print the my pictures until the ink went out also on my own and i did the research for my write up on my own . so teacher gave out the sheet to paste all the pictures and write up . we done all those pasting and decorating . i did most of them , like duh . then nothing more to paste because almost all my team members didn't do the write up and what do you expect me to do cher ? better than doing nonsense things i did my school work which is science . teacher confiscated both my book and aishah's . i tried my best to explained to her but she ignored . by then all those negative thoughts appeared on my mind . i knw i will got into deep shit and aishah too . and then i cried all of a sudden . i also don't knw why i cried . she don't knw hw much effort i put in to do the bloody project which i spent my whole weekend taking pictures and printing it . and yada2 i kept quiet for the whole english period . recess ate nothing coz went to the library to do the write up for those fellows in my group . i still kept quiet didn't talked a single word . next up was math .
Half an hour period of math and science period came . i wasn't scared of what i've done but i was scared because ms chandran will misunderstood me as copying aishah work and never will trust me again . that's why . and yeah my thoughts were right . she first hint something about us to the class . end of period ms chandran came up to me and said ,"you know what you have done wrong . you will failed and failed science if you kept copying others . and a true friend won't let you copy instead she wants you to fall and let you be a failure . i want you to apologize to mdm choo ." those words makes me real hurt . i cried again . she misunderstood so does the others . what's worst was she hint aishah as not a true friend because she let me copy . come on lahhhh ! i swear to god , i didn't copy . i was doing my work on my own and i check mine's with aishah's . so i walked to malay class , crying . some 1N1 basketballers saw me cried and asked why especially eric . he went to shout my name like so many time but i didn't looked back . i rubbed away all those tears and went into the class . i think everyone know im crying even cikgu norita . she usually will asked me questions about the lesson but not today . i didn't even looked up at her because my eyes were a bit sore . then english again , kept quiet all the way . i was so pissed off with my group that i didn't say a single word . school ends and mdm choo released us late .
i didn't have the time to have my lunch because cybercrush starts at 2pm sharp . went half to cybercrush another half to chinese class . nothing much to elaborate and yeah i came smilling back because friends cheer me up but still im thinking about just now incident . after school stayed back with aishah to study together . after she had taught me and i had done some of the homework , we went home at 5.30pm sharp . both aishah and i are making a new schedule for both of us . every wednesday and thursday we're going to study together for two hours . we must proved to the teachers that we can do it . especially me who they taught im a lazy pig , copy people's work , never put in effort in doing homework and all the other negative comments . especially science . i failed science for ca1 . im going to proved you ms chandran that im not what you think i am . im way different . i also want to proved to you that i listen attentively in class . i need a new schedule for my own . fine if today i got accused by people for doing bad things which i seriously didn't do . teacher i will prove to you that i can do it . don't just accused me by just looking at my act but don't knw hw i struggle , hw i put my best effort in it . i want to changed for sure . ain want to be mummy's and daddy's good girl :] .
01 April 2008
I shall start this post with a short birthday dedication for my dear mr bestfriend :).
AMAN , AMAN , AMAN ! HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY LAHH OII :D . may you be successful always . blaja betol2 . jgn bnyk main . haha . go and enjoy your life to the fullest bro ! hope you like the present i gave you :] gd luck !.
I just got back from school with two activities held today . e-broadcasting and basketball practise . im like oh-so tired today . anyway today is an april fool day with my mr bestfriend was born then . i didn't got much of those "fools" . haha .
I also didn't "fool" people as i wasn't in mood and something went thorough my mind which was told by dear girlf aishah . im very sad like very very sad . last night i told ibu about it and tears coming out from my eyes . girl , please don't leave me alone . aishah will be moving to a new house at bedok ! just imagine that ?! if she's moving like in the west side it's fine with me but it's in the east ?!!! . that means i can't see her often . even worst she's changing school . come on hw sad can i be ?! it's been nearly four months together being friends , no bestfriends . we share laughters , tears . and most of them thought that we have been friends since in primary school . because everyone can see how close we are , really . i just can't describe the feeling when she's not around . she's had been by my side at all times and even when i got my basketball practise she's willing to wait for me and go back together . not only that when im not around in school she's the one who collect all those homework for me and when i got back to school , she will teach me hw to do those homework . really , she's a true friend . eventhough you're two years older than me , i treat you both as a bestfriend and also a sister . im very sure that you did that way too right ? oh come on , don't leave me alone . that's why you really look glumpy and i know you fake a smile and that's because of all these things happening ?!! she said 80% confirmed she'll be moving . goddddd , it's hard to find a friend like her , really . i think i have to stop it now cause tears are coming out frome my eyes .
Let's change subject . school is perfectly fine today . i don't think im going to be the happy-go-lucky girl when my birthday strikes coming Sunday . maybe , just maybe im going out with friends on Saturday ? im not sure still . if those things i mention did happened for real , i have to acceot all the fact . really , she's leaving me . babe please don't go ):
I also didn't "fool" people as i wasn't in mood and something went thorough my mind which was told by dear girlf aishah . im very sad like very very sad . last night i told ibu about it and tears coming out from my eyes . girl , please don't leave me alone . aishah will be moving to a new house at bedok ! just imagine that ?! if she's moving like in the west side it's fine with me but it's in the east ?!!! . that means i can't see her often . even worst she's changing school . come on hw sad can i be ?! it's been nearly four months together being friends , no bestfriends . we share laughters , tears . and most of them thought that we have been friends since in primary school . because everyone can see how close we are , really . i just can't describe the feeling when she's not around . she's had been by my side at all times and even when i got my basketball practise she's willing to wait for me and go back together . not only that when im not around in school she's the one who collect all those homework for me and when i got back to school , she will teach me hw to do those homework . really , she's a true friend . eventhough you're two years older than me , i treat you both as a bestfriend and also a sister . im very sure that you did that way too right ? oh come on , don't leave me alone . that's why you really look glumpy and i know you fake a smile and that's because of all these things happening ?!! she said 80% confirmed she'll be moving . goddddd , it's hard to find a friend like her , really . i think i have to stop it now cause tears are coming out frome my eyes .
Let's change subject . school is perfectly fine today . i don't think im going to be the happy-go-lucky girl when my birthday strikes coming Sunday . maybe , just maybe im going out with friends on Saturday ? im not sure still . if those things i mention did happened for real , i have to acceot all the fact . really , she's leaving me . babe please don't go ):
